Any advice will be much appreciated. Ive also expressed to him that when he disappears Im never worried about another woman or that Ive done something wrong, I just miss him as it is a long distance relationship-in-the-works. And he have things that troublle him and I really wish I could help him He has major trust issues But if you are always the one doing this, your partner may feel like a receptacle for your negative emotions, she explains. My self induced panic has been the cause of a lot of bad endings to potential relationships and I am trying what I can to avoid that and know that IF it doesnt work out with this particular person, I can look back and know that it wasnt my fault. We are close and talk about personal issues but I guess this is a big deal he did mention family. I recently went through this situation with my boyfriend. He doesnt want your help he wants to feel you understand him. The other 300 days out of the year hes my soulmate. He had been really stressed because hes currently unemployed, hes having family issues, etc. I REALLY want to be there for him but whenever it starts to get to him he doesnt want to see me. And he got all weird about the I love you againhe said it, but in a very rushed, unnatural way. I finally got up the nerve to text him a hello after 2wks and he says hes still going through his stuff. she got jeaoluse. He was shutting me off and would say hurtful things like I deserve better or he want to left alone. This builds resentment in them and will eventually corrode even the most intimate relationships. I just want to know if Im doing the right thing with giving him is space, but how do I not get mad about it though!!! What's more, even the wording is unclear: There's no clarification of when your partner is coming back, or how long they're leaving for. Not exactly towards me, but it hurts my feelings. Maybe that shows up in too many texts throughout the day, or constantly asking for favors that cause extra stress in their schedule. For one, Colizza says, you do want to make sure you arent word vomiting all your feelings onto your partner all the time. It started to really invade my thinking and good judgement. When your partner compares you to their ex, especially in a way that puts you down, it's not only hurtful, but also likely distracting you from the real issue at hand. We were supposed to be moving in together and getting married this year. So for now, I try to follow his lead. Of course I thought I did something wrong but after talking about it, he admitted his whole life just feels out of control so he cant put any more effort into us until he gets life together again. Feel free to ask questions, but seek to understand and not help solve. I tried talking to him about it and got upset that he wouldnt talk to me about his problems or tell me anything thats been going on in his life. soon they became freinds with benifits on that day. Because I have a feeling that I know what to do and what has happened to my relationship but I dont want to just assume while Im that emotional type of person. Recently this week I asked him if he was free since we had movie plans he responded saying got home early was throwing up ,I shall talk to you tomo I responded saying ahh again ? The whole point Im getting towards with that is the fact that because of such a minor thing like his bestfriend having her phone taken is the stressor that is causing him to be distant. . Then it seems he quickly fell into comfort zone. Im with Amy, that IS being a grown-up, and a guy doesnt get off the hook because its a guy thing any more than I should get off the hook for, say, wanting to over-talk things just because Im a woman. Id suggest she just be straight with him: say look, I know things are tough for you, but Im a person too, and if were going to be together, I need for you to be present in the relationship. Tues he was in surgery cases all day at the hospital, I texted him mid morning saying I missed him and was thinking of him and he replied Hey babe, sick, been in long cases. Im at work and miserable, in long cases. i dont think it is since im asian. Ill try keep it short, My boyfriend was in a relationship with a girl about three years ago. Every time Id see the guy, hed have some new girl telling him that she was in love or obsessed with him and he would just be a jerk about it. He was such a sweetheart about it and would even ask me for permission if he wanted to hang out with a group of his friends (a group a girls) if they all planned to go out one night (I never asked him to do things like this he chose to ask all by himself, so it made me feel secure). I understand why you might feel like crap you regret the actions you took. This focus undermines the ideal mutual reciprocation of healthy relationships.. He wants to be the best boyfriend he can be and spend every waking moment with me or he thinks Ill leave him so thats why he wants to be friends and not date bc of all the stress. Hes done this before but never for this long. i tried to tell him it wasnt me, i tried giving him space. I bring her up a lot and he had been patient in dealing with me. The most efficient way to find out what your partner is thinking is to have a calm conversation about how they're feeling, and see if anything is bothering them. So I need your insight into what my boyfriends thinking. One thing went to anther and he basically ended up thinking I was giving him an ultimatum between me and his best friend which was NOT what I was trying to do, I was asking him simply to just pay more attention to me after school since he sees her all day and only sees me very rarely! Before stumbling upon this article, I did like most, I took that as a sign of he didnt want to be bothered with me anymore and what have I done? He even got off the dating website three days after our first date and a week after our first date he wanted to be exclusive. After 2 months, we got back together :) we are together now and have been for 2 weeks. he is ignoring me like im not even there. but then it passed.he knew jenny was there. It was hard but I just hung in there. Your anxiety may not result from anything in the relationship itself. very few things on internet make such impression on my mind. expensive restaurants, shows, serenading me on his guitar, flowers, telling me he was in love with me and addicted to me, flirty texts After the 5th date, I noticed that he messaged me less frequently and sometimes took days to respond. Weekend together and everything was perfect. Whats the best way I can support you right now? Just like all of you, ladies, I freaked out thinking he didnt love me anymore. stomach upset and other physical concerns. Only [insert time amount here] left, and then youre free! He has been through a hard time and I think all Ive done is put pressure on him to try and get him to open up and tell me whats been going on with him and I think its made it worse. I trust my bf that hes telling me the truth that he really is over her but i get the feeling that shes not over him. This article literally answered my questions & let me know what Ive been doing wrong. I then went on holiday for 2weeks, when I came back I went into hospital for 1 week, then after that he was away for 2 weeks, so we went ages without talking. We didnt say much about it, so it was a good night. Lisa Concepcion, founder of LoveQuest Coaching, Dr. Jess O'Reilly, Astroglide's resident sexologist. Actually, I already know the answer. That is what I did. We talk every day through phone calls and texts but he recent got fired and has had a hard time getting a job the past couple of weeks, along with car issues and family dilemmas, so a lot is on his plate and Im usually very supportive of that, and not pushy or over bearing, but Ive also have had so stress so weve been arguing more the past week, and Ive been kind of accusatory on and off, which Ive made known, that Im sorry for, but hes been growing more distant, even when he says he misses me, and now is ignoring me after I asked him a simple question. One aspect that I cant understand is this: nobody else knows my boyfriend goes through depression, he says Im the only person he can talk to, that Ive always been very supportive, kind and understanding however, he cuts me off and doesnt respond for days, even weeks on end but he still communicate with others. I properly make a mistake by chasing him for answer but I cant wait anymore! But thru all of this. Ive tried to contact him a few times and hes just said not to stress everything is fine but his mind is on his issues. He is amazing and I dont want to lose him for forever. Sometimes, the best words of encouragement for a stressed boyfriend, partner, or girlfriend, are the simplest ones. God bless you. Eric, I read this article and I just told him to take all the time he wanted, that I would be there in case he needed me. Things were going great until his personal life became really stressful. they are talking huging kissing and he asked her out. Im SO confused about him and have a difficult time of just letting him go. But Im going to take your advice and stop offering help and support he doesnt want. 2. I guess the issue that I'm having is that I feel overwhelmed by my boyfriend's love for me. I'm so proud of how youve been balancing everything lately under so much pressure. Or would that be a bad idea? . Even when I had a minor heart attack that same day he didnt seem nearly as distraught about that as he was about her. Ive kept them to myself, because by the third day he comes back around and well end up skyping once or twice a week for hours at a time. When i respond he will stay wait days to write back. Wow this made me feel 10x worse. Hes been pulling away for a couple weeks and has recently started going a day or two without texting me. What does this mean and does he mean what he says? When your partner says this, it's possible that they are feeling overwhelmed, confused, or lost in the relationship, and they need a temporary breather. This post reassures me that if I give him the space he needs everything will work out eventually. I asked him afterwards what we were and he was like i dont know, do you want boyfriend right now and what do u think we are? Sure, he needs space to get himself together, he needs space to heal, but it is not right while he heals himself but hurting his woman. He told me that the family issues were still ongoing and causing a lot of stress. He said Im not feeling well, sorry I have been out of commission and my phone was turned off temp, Im depressed and struggling with some things. I have since grown to better appreciate our differences and respect his manly space, and in doing so have gained his trust and he will now approach me to talk about the things in his life which are upsetting him. He has no outside friends or interests. I'm so sorry for your loss. That can help form a great relationship. i want to get in relationship with him but im afraid he is not willing to do that anymore. Lets fast forward to this new year (2017) babe is still withdrawn. Is it because i said no to him twice and he is afraid to get rejected again, or sth else? i guess its a chick thing. She assumes that she did something wrong and gets into a cycle of paranoia she feels worried the guy is losing interest in her, she tries to get validation that he cares, hes not in the head space to give her the type of response she wants, she gets more paranoid, fishes for more proof he cares, and on and on until the relationship takes on a life of chasing, worrying and reassurance. He just promised me a few weeks before this happened he wouldnt do this anymore. Blow off steam with some music. I read similar advice before (and double-checking because I dont want to mess it up!). He expressed that he was angry a few days ago, that he was going through something personal. So Im not sure what to do: let it lie or try to apologise for putting unneccessary pressure on him? He has barely been on facebook, which is something he was constantly on before, and I mean constantly! I am not taking it personally however we met online and he is still signing into his online account several times a day, my thoughts being if he has time to sign into his online account he has time to send me a text. Hang on and be strong :). Ive been all of the above to my BF of 2 years and started to be so drained i judt couldnt handle all of the resistance so we broke up. Its unfair for him to totally block you. I havent told him how I have been feeling because I dont want to add to how he has been feeling. But that has to go both ways, and be based on open, loving communication. They might appreciate your liking and loving them, but it wont change the page theyre on. I can totally relate to you. Weve had some struggles because his parents got divorced two years ago, and he is still struggling a lot with that. Hey, remember when you got through [insert life obstacle]? He is my best friend and someone that I share my bad days and good days with. Im concerned for him, how is he doing, handling this. My bf is going through a stressful time right now due to some unexpected developments in his life. Lisa Concepcion, founder of LoveQuest Coaching, tells Bustle. (Still light hearted) I said, Oh I dunno, I have to save up some money first. He responded, Well I didnt think you were thinking anytime soon and I responded, no like I say it will take a while to save some money.. Just be yourself and relax and you will be just fine. From the start of our relationship (9 months) I have had insecurities about her. Thank you for your article Eric. But i just feel so powerless over his ex. He talked to me a great deal about my dad and really helped a lot, I didnt ask my boyfriend about the text because as we talked I forgot anything was wrong, and then I said alright Im going to bed, love you. If your partner tells you this, it may be wise to sit down with them and have a formal conversation about how long this break may last, and what it will look like, so you can both express what you need. However, just because your partner decides to sit one event out doesn't necessarily mean that they want an out altogether. we talk about school etc. I just know youre going to do amazing. That happened once. I want to be by his side but he pushes me away. He told me he yelled at her and I was completely done with the situation until he kept nagging on and on about how he was an awful boyfriend and it made me mad because he wasnt. 2. The guy Ive expressed interest in is actually a professional athlete so his life is constant stress. He did tell me he knows he is still broken, plus he has a lot on his plate. But we made the best of it, seemed to get along famously as we always have. I dont advocate or discriminate against any relationship arrangement. Practice sorting through them on your own first, she says. Just relax about all of this and that he just needs some time. He told me that he understood if that was unacceptable to me, but that he hoped that I would wait for him and give him a little more time. Upon learning the reason, I may be just fine and the conversation can end, but we cannot be shut out. So yeah, theres a time and a place for having a frank discussion and being on the same page. Let me know when youre taking a break. I didnt realise that what he was not over was the child and that he felt he had lost one. Found out that I have uterine cancer. (And, no, its not just me.). Unfortunately his teams performance has been poor and the members of the team are definitely feeling the brunt of it which means harder practices and more to study. Is your partner always yawning and sprawling out on the couch when youre around? My boyfriend is going through a really tough time and he has flat out told me it is not me it is him. Should I stop texting him all together, or will that be showing that I dont care and that Im not supportive? He told me that he broke up with me because at that time, he was a few years younger and felt that he didnt have a career or anything to offer me. Whether you have just begun dating or have plans to get married, best solution is to be be there without offering him solutions. But it can . Same with constant criticisms. I hadnt felt this way in a really long time. FYI, Im an excellent sounding board for venting. This is particularly evident with my current boyfriend who is very much the blokey bloke and finds emotive communication very difficult. Wish I could give you a huge hug right now, but Ill save it for when I see you later. After all issues and finally, the burial of this cousin is finished, he learns yet another family member has passed. In the end I realised that although I was concerned, I was doing this more for my benefit than his; I wanted to feel like I could help him, and I was trying to approach it in a way that would help me this was only pushing him away. He kept saying its not a good time and hes not in a good place and the classic its not you its me which I panicked thought he was ending it .At first he didnt want to see me at all, but then we went out and had drinks and talked. Im not used to being ignored much because I usually can step back, without conflict, so Im at a loss. So should I check in to see how he is in this case? ..he immediately gets offense and wont talk l. Or says he didnt know I wanted to. He knew a friend of mine and she had given him my number. and once he inveted his gf to go to his mom wedding so she could renew he vows. I am willing to be there for him during this time however as we dont know each other well i dont want to push it. Anyways, about the last year or so, I have been going thru some things. "People in draining. Do you think sending him a smiling pic and saying have a good day! A well rounded response to the poster and an interesting male perspective. Im going through the same situation. Crucially, I find that these discussions are no less revealing about how he feels and he is able to vent, just on terms and in ways that are acceptable and not immasculating to him. We couldnt see each other much, he wasnt asking when can I see you again like he used to (I guess its just assumed that when it can happen it will). In the beginning of the relationship he had told me he only gets along with girls because the guys in his school are incompetent and I do believe that he is more mature than most of the people at his school (by his school I do mean we go to different schools) he seemed sincerely sorry for the fact that he had to have me deal with the fact that his only companions were girls but I told him it was alright because it really truly was! I just dont know what to do? But after around 5-6 months- I dont know how but we began but we were talking many times, after every meeting session he would come straight up to me and wouldnt go up to his friends etc. Relationships are all about finding solutions that work for both of you. But we werent dating. I was to go to his home town in Feb to meet his family. Thank you! Your advice is very helpful. Im so full of shame and guilt I never realised it was the child and not the girl that he found so hard to get over. Yes! Hes going through a ton of stressful situations which have caused him to retreat into his cave until he knows what to do. What if he tells me hes just been busy at work? He may not feel that he is good enough for you. I mentioned this to him and we seemed to come to some what of a resolution. His choice. Had trying to contact him, caused him to retreat even the more. His daughter wants nothing to do with him Then, he drops the ball. It takes another month to bury his cousin (family wars). It will break my heart to lose him to his ex. He had to be up at 5am the next day for work and was not feeling well going from tropical weather to freezing, having a lot of sinus issues. Not everyone does well with that. With that said, when a guy is under a lot of emotional or psychological stress, he will want to withdraw socially until hes figured out his situation. But I never did it to the one I deeply love, cause no matter what I have to face in life, no matter how hard and tough I am in life, there is always a tender soft spot for that guy I love, I melt. "Needing to 'clear the head' is a. I thought if I loved him long enough and hard enough, that my dream would blossom into full living color. He proceeded to tell me that he would love to meet for a drink, that he always had a place in his heart for me and that I was the one woman that he looked back and wished he could do it over. Its frustraiting. OKwhen you hear this stuff in passing one at a time it isnt too alarming but when I list themOMFG. Im a little concerned. If they want a committed, traditional long-term relationship go for it! I rather him to quickly give me an answer then moping and being sad! He doesnt trust the woman he has been with, he doesnt trust what they have together. Now it has been almost a week since I have heard from him?! Anyway I already told him, I would give ample space for him to figure the things out. An example of this would be your partner putting words in your mouth and saying that you're the one who wants to end the relationship. Hes new to the profession so he has the demands of fighting for his job everyday, evaluating if the new people in his life are in it for the fame and money or for him, and the constant pressure of going from a student athlete to having a full-time high pressure job.
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